HAYIBO.COM News:

JOHANNESBURG. The taxi industry has drawn up a code of conduct for future air-drivers and sky-gaatjies on its proposed low-cost airline, prohibiting them from sitting on runways hooting for passengers, pulling out into oncoming traffic at 32,000 feet, and shooting at rival airlines sharing their routes. Asked where the industry plans to launch its airline, a spokesman said, “Ag, just sommer off the end of the runway.”

According to taxi industry spokesman, Hilux Vilakazi, the new airline would be called Dreamlover, Amakhosi, Liverpool FC, Golden Banana, or any of the other words that its official scribes knew how to spell and could paint on the tail-fins of its new aircraft.

“We haven’t been this excited since we discovered we could bribe police with chocolate donuts instead of money,” said Vilakazi.

He said it would be too expensive to buy Boeings or Airbuses, as “they cost more than the whole extortion budget for the East Rand”, but he confirmed that Dreamlover would probably look to “vintage models”.

“We’re weighing up options on several Russian-built Krashenbirn Mark 1 aircraft, retired from Aeroflot in 1978 before being sold to Air Chad before being leased to Khyber Airlines before being sublet to Western Sahara Shuttle Services before being disassembled by the Cameroonian Drug Agency before being reassembled for the Zimbabwe Aeronautical Museum,” he said, adding that the aircraft would “reflect the taxi industry’s proud traditions of making do with almost no technological aides whatsoever”.

As a result, he said, the aircraft would have no on-board avionics such as altimeters and radar.

“Which is just as well,” he added. “Our air-drivers will be severely stoned and little green pings on a radar screen might just drive them over the edge.”

But, he said, pilots would be able to navigate by the light of the fires of crashed airliners dotted along all major routes.

Vilakazi conceded that some of the new aircraft would need some TLC, and most did not have glass in the windows. However, he said, this could be easily solved by stapling plastic over the holes. When it was put to him that this might cause aircraft to depressurize, he said that this was “a very good thing.”

“The less pressure our drivers feel, the better,” he said.

Meanwhile prospective sky-drivers and sky-gaatjies have signed the new code of conduct, agreeing violence, recklessness and antisocial behaviour have no place in the skies.

“No, let’s leave that stuff on the public roads where it belongs,” said gaatjie Blackbox Zulu. “We are one hundred percent committed to not shooting at other airliners, unless they take our routes, or look at us funny, or stop paying us protection money, or fail to thank us when we break their kneecaps.” - HAYIBO.COM

Posted on Jul 04, 2011 by Africartoons